Social anxiety isn’t always intense or constant. For many people, it exists on a spectrum and may only show up in certain situations – like dating, public speaking, group settings, or when you think you are being evaluated by others. For others, it might show up in less obvious moments, like when they find themselves one-on-one with a friend they are less comfortable with and worry about being uninteresting. Outside of these moments, you might feel socially capable, confident, or even outgoing – and that contrast can feel confusing.
How social anxiety develops
Social anxiety often grows out of earlier relational experiences where it didn’t feel safe to be seen, heard, or evaluated. Experiences such as criticism, bullying, rejection, emotional neglect, or not having developed a strong sense of self can leave what I call “open wounds” that get activated in present-day interactions.
Exposure therapy isn’t the only path forward
Exposure therapy is commonly recommended for social anxiety, and for some people it’s helpful. For others, repeated exposure may reduce avoidance but still leave intense self-criticism, fear, or shame intact. I often hear how exposure techniques just weren’t enough and left the client feeling even more stuck.
While exposure techniques can certainly be helpful, I know these wounds we hold can be really deep. I tend to adopt a humanistic approach that allows the client space to explore, make sense of, and heal within the context of the therapy space as well. I recognize that social anxiety isn’t just about avoiding situations; it’s more often about unhealed relational experiences. Our sessions focuses on both the here and now (learning to develop a sense of safety in social moments today and moving forward) while also exploring the experiences that shaped these responses.
Rather than pushing through anxiety, we work toward understanding and healing its roots.
Let’s try this with compassion.
Becasue feeling nervous, anxious, or apprehensive in certain social situations doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It reflects a nervous system that is trying to protect you in certain relational contexts. Ultimately, our goal is to develop an ability to participate in the desired situations without the rumination, physical sensations, or fear of failure.
If a quick chat or consultation might be helpful, just reach out.